dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
