i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
