We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
where are my eyebrows?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
