is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize