i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
