great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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