Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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