It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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