I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize