I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
