i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
