It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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