You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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