Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
