i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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