I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
