I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
