Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
