i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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