It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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