I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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