Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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