Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
