that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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