I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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