i don't like sucking hair
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
