I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
