I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
