i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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