home. puking in laundry basket.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
