Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
