I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it penis luge time yet?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
