Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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