I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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