see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
