I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
