my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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