if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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