Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
