My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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