We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
