PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
