please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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