I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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