She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
