Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need water and some morals
Randomize
