I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
