24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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