I feel great
I just peed on a car
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
