Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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