then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think people are normalizing furries
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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