How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we should paint friendship bongs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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