I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
