i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
