im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
