im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
