her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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