and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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