Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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