Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
