Sry I called you an 8
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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