An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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