So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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