there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
