I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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