her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
