Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
