Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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