We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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