Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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