Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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