He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
