I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
