stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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