Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
