I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
