watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
