i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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