you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
